At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you had me at cake vodka
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
