you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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