I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
