I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
