It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
