I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
