so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
