it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
