Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
