Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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