If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
