..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
