I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
