I think my vagina is haunted
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
