I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
