Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
