I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
