he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
