It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
