We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
