sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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