im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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