my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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