How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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