You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
