just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
