An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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