new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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