The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
