good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A+ Viking dick
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