I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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