I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
