These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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