seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
