It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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