Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
