I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Can i not drive my cunt home
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
