She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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