how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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