time to smoke my breakfast
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
