I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just high enough for therapy.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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