i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
