just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
