So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
