I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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