Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
