you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
