Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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