i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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