So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
