at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
