she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
