i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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