How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
