Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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