We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
