if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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