Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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