So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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