I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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