I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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