he was CRYING into my vagina
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
