im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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