cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
smell my finger.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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