Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
