im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
