today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
